When Stress Reaches Your Crown: Caring for the Woman Underneath

Queen, your crown may be asking for moisture.

But the woman underneath it may be asking for rest.

That was one of the truths that came out of this week's Queen’s Circle LIVE, and I want us to sit with it for a minute.

Some of us have been strong for so long that carrying weight feels normal.

You keep going.

You take care of what needs to be handled. You show up for your family. You handle work. You encourage somebody else. You answer the phone. You keep your appointments.

Eventually, you can become so accustomed to responsibility that you stop asking a very important question:

What do I need?

Stress Doesn't Always Look Like Stress

Stress isn't always somebody sitting in a corner crying.

Sometimes it looks like being constantly “on.”

Your body is sitting still, but your mind is already three days ahead.

You may have difficulty resting without guilt, poor sleep, headaches, digestive issues, or emotional exhaustion. Long-term stress can affect both physical and emotional well-being and may contribute to symptoms including sleep problems, headaches and digestive problems.

And yes, sometimes stress can reach the crown.

Significant physical or psychological stress can trigger excessive hair shedding known as telogen effluvium, and that shedding can become noticeable a few months after the stressful event.

However, I want to be careful here.

Please don't assume that every case of thinning or hair loss is caused by stress.

Hair loss can have different causes. If you are seeing unusual shedding, thinning, bald spots, or changes that concern you, I encourage you to seek qualified medical evaluation rather than guessing.

Beautiful Hair Products can help you care for your hair.

Products cannot diagnose the reason you're losing it.

Is Your Comfort Restoring You—or Helping You Avoid You?

I love beautiful things.

I love getting dressed. I love beautiful scenery. I enjoy doing my hair, although some days I just let these Sisterlocks do what they're going to do!

There is nothing wrong with enjoyment.

The deeper question is:

Is what you're reaching for restoring you, or is it helping you avoid something you haven't been willing to name?

Sometimes it's shopping.

Sometimes it's scrolling.

Sometimes we're always “in those streets,” looking for the next outing.

Sometimes it's comfort food.

Sometimes we stay busy fixing everybody else's problems.

None of those things automatically mean something is wrong.

But eventually you need somewhere in your life where it becomes quiet enough to ask:

What am I carrying?

What have I not given myself permission to need?

Maybe it's rest.

Help.

Friendship.

A boundary.

Medical attention.

Prayer.

Fun.

A difficult conversation.

Or maybe, Queen, you just need a good cry.

You cannot tend to a need you refuse to name.

Create a Sanctuary, Not Another Escape

This has become one of my favorite ideas.

Your sanctuary doesn't need to be an entire room.

Take a corner of your walk-in closet.

Sit on your porch.

Use your bathroom before everybody wakes up.

Park your car somewhere peaceful.

Reserve a quiet study room at your library.

Find your place.

Here's the difference:

An escape helps you avoid what you're carrying.

A sanctuary gives you enough quiet to discover what you're carrying and decide what to do with it.

Slow breathing, focused attention, and other relaxation techniques can help activate the body's relaxation response and are recognized approaches for helping people manage stress.

Try My P.A.U.S.E. Crown Check-In

Give yourself ten minutes.

P — Put down the noise.
Turn off the television. Put the phone down.

A — Ask what you're carrying.
God, what has been weighing on me?

U — Understand where it's showing up.
Your sleep? Thoughts? Relationships? Eating? Confidence? Body? Crown?

S — Sit with God.
Pray. Listen. Journal. Breathe. Be still.

E — Ease one burden.

You don't have to fix everything.

Ask yourself:

What is one loving thing I can do for myself next?

Maybe you need the nap.

Make the appointment.

Ask for help.

Say, “That doesn't work for me.”

Or simply go to bed.

Hair Care Cannot Replace Soul Care

I love helping women care for their Sisterlocks.

Hydration matters. Nourishment matters. Understanding your porosity matters.

But Queen, you cannot put enough oil on your hair to create peace in your life.

That's different work.

Hair care can be part of self-care. It cannot replace soul care.

The outer woman deserves care.

So does the inner woman.

And when we begin tending to both, we aren't simply trying to look beautiful anymore.

We're learning how to live beautifully.

This week, find your sanctuary.

Give yourself ten minutes.

And remember Psalm 46:10:

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10 KJV

God really does love you, Queen.

*****

Resources & Further Reading:

1. American Academy of Dermatology — Do You Have Hair Loss or Hair Shedding? It explains telogen effluvium, excessive shedding, and the delayed relationship between a stressful event and noticeable shedding. Read the AAD resource
2. American Academy of Dermatology — 6 Skin and Hair Conditions Linked to Stress supports your statement that psychological and physical stressors can sometimes trigger telogen effluvium. Read the AAD article
3. MedlinePlus — Stress explains how long-term stress can show up through sleep difficulties, headaches and digestive problems. Read the MedlinePlus resource
4. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health — Relaxation Techniques for Stress explains deep breathing, focused attention and the body's relaxation response. Read the NCCIH resource